Here I am again…
It’s late at night and I find myself feeling restless… sleepless…
My mind has no brakes and my brain is often in overdrive.
Such is my life and I understand that often this is the life of a person
who lives with ADD, ADHD.
And even though life is not perfect, it’s my life and I’m Ok with it.
God’s got this. God’s got me.
Does He have you?
Lately I’ve been pondering about my life. About who I am. About whether
I seem to fit in any particular place in this World.
I have often felt adrift in this life. I have many times felt that I
either had no defined purpose or that I just didn’t understand my purpose. My
why…
And, I’m not saying that I have now had some epiphany or a revelation…
but… on the other hand…
Maybe I’m beginning to get a glimpse… a foretaste… of just what it
might mean to accept myself… flaws and all. To love myself just a little. To
forgive myself for not being perfect. And, to realize that our God never asked
us to fix ourselves before we came to Him and asked for Him to come dwell in
our hearts with us.
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Did He not say in scripture:
“Romans 5:7-11 The Message (MSG)
6-8 Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and
doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial
death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves
ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do
anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we
can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless
sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in
sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.
9-11 Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial
death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being
at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on
friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we’re at
our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his
resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship
with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing
and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!”
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Understand that I am not suddenly and in a bombastic or prideful way
saying that I deserve God’s forgiveness nor am I cowering in some false
humility or insincere crocodile tears to gain your sympathy regarding how I
somehow ought to be welcomed into God’s kingdom.
Rather, I am acknowledging that after much prayer these last several
months, I am beginning to comprehend that because of God’s love for me when I
was completely broken and far from able to even begin to understand the extent
of His grace in my fallen state, I can now begin to accept myself, my
uniqueness and the gifts God has bestowed on me for His glory.
You must understand that nobody more clearly sees their flaws and
shortcomings than I do. I’m sure that some of you can relate to being your own
worst critic. I’m not proud of it. It’s just a fact.
We must ask God for the insight to see past the sometimes-obvious
challenges that we face in being who we are and just love ourselves for the
unique people that God formed us into.
Now, this is not to say that we don’t seek to improve those areas where
we have shortcomings, but rather, this is to see the difference between a
weakness of character and the unique personality traits and giftings that He has
granted us to add salt and light to an often dark and flavorless World.
I am more and more through each passing day finding that in helping
others and making a positive difference in their lives, I find my purpose. I am
finding the little ministries that my heart longs for. And I am content when
through me, God is able to lift someone else’s spirits and fulfill their needs.
When we find ourselves useful and being used as a tool in God’s hands,
it becomes much easier to look in the mirror and to realize that we’re Ok and
that God loves us. We can find contentment even when our life is not perfect.
Even when the circumstances of our lives right at the moment aren’t fitting the
picture that we had in mind.
So my prayer for you…
For those who were brave enough to read this far into my blog…
I pray that God meets you right where you’re at and that He turns the
mirror to your face… to your soul… and that you catch even just the briefest glimpse
of the person He sees. The very much-loved son or daughter that He uniquely
crafted and gifted for great things to do on His behalf in this World.
May your purpose be revealed. May your Why become clear. And, may you
be used as a most effective tool in the loving hands of the One who breathed
life into your lungs and sustains you each and every precious day of your life.
Go and live your best life. Start today.
In Christ’s love,
