The Broken & Shattered

 

So here I sit

Hands in my lap

Staring at the broken

Tears falling on the shattered

 

Why do we do these things

Lord how are we so deceived

Confused by our free will,

We think we’re in control

 

We make our many plans

We dream

Until we don’t

Paths to dead ends leading

 

Yes, dear Jesus

I still have hope

Still cling to faith

But then there are…

 

My doubts

 

So, I look in the mirror

Finding my own Thomas

Staring back at me

Longing to touch

 

Your scars

 

Is that wrong

Is my honesty weakness

My lack of faith

Smaller than a mustard seed

 

Knowing my righteousness

Is truly rags

Understanding my sin

Is at war in my flesh

 

My repentance like rain

Pours from a shattered heart

My longing for peace

Carries me back

 

To where You Dwell

 

So Dear God

I ask for another gift

The fire of your Spirit

Cleansing and renewing

 

To be used by You

A tool in your Hands

Accomplishing Your will

Growing Your kingdom

 

Don’t leave me unchanged

For you promised

To never leave or forsake

And I’m clinging to that

 

So as I sit here

In these healing tears

My hands are lifted

Giving back all I have

 

This broken fragile life

When the Words Come Hard

 

Dear God

You know right now

Well, the words come hard

And I guess that it’s ok

 

Because you never said it

You never said we wouldn’t suffer

In fact, you said the opposite

You said that we would share

 

We’d share in your suffering

For the sake of the cross

For the sake of your love

For the sake of the lost

 

But we are so fragile

And our hearts are so weak

We want these cups to pass

But it’s your will we seek

 

So, I ask that you’ll forgive me

When I sometimes lie here in my tears

When I am drowning in my sorrows

When I’m running from my fears

 

I thank you for all you’ve blessed me with

And I know down deep you’re in control

But it’s so easy to get distracted

And so easy to try and usurp your roll

 

So easy to become a prodigal

So easy to become a rebel soul

But I’m making my way back to you

To the only one who can make us whole

 

Dear Lord thank you for your Spirit

The one who voices our groanings

The one who interprets our tears

Who lovingly intercedes when we fall mute

 

Because of you I wake each day

And even when I have no words

Because of you I can still speak

So, thank you God for our Helper

 

Now when the words won’t come

I’ll rest silent and with confidence

Because even though I am weak

In your strength I am still heard

So, California, This is See You Later

So, California, this is see you later.

I didn’t actually find myself lucky enough to call you the state of my birth.

Nope.

That would be Idaho.

Yep, I’m actually a potato head. Just in case you were wondering.

And California, though I was fortunate enough to call you home for around 51 years of my life, I’m not so loyal a fan that I can’t change my allegiance to another state.

I met the love of my life in the great state of Arizona, so a piece of my heart will always feel a bit of love for it even if I don’t actually call it home.

You have been the place where my roots have grown deep though.

I went through school here.

I found God here and gave my life to Christ here.

I went to Summer camp here.

I had my first crush here.

I graduated from grade school here and college too…

I learned to drive here and I learned to surf here.

My discoveries of love and passion for writing and photography occurred here as well.

I picked up my first job here and I spent the majority of my working life here.

I found out what the word infertility means here…

And I found the joy of adoption here.

I experienced what it meant to be a husband here.

And, I stepped into the adventure of fatherhood here.

I have been blessed to find myself invited into innumerable and precious friendships here.

I have had to give friends back to the Lord here.

Dear California, you have blessed me with sunrises and sunsets that breathed joy into my soul.

You have shown me wonders uncountable that confirmed to me the handiwork of the God I love.

But California, you have also shown me pain and sorrow.

In your soil, you hold the memories of many of those that I have loved and had the privilege to know in my short life.

You gave me employment and you took it away.

You saw my accolades and my promotions, my trophies and my abused emotions.

You oversaw the days where truths were spoken, but you also stood silent when I was the recipient of others lies.

You gladly accepted the days of my service on your behalf and yet you jealously held back your best care when I like so many others needed to be supported.

You accepted the service of lesser men and in violation of what’s right stole from me (and others) more than your fair share of the fruits of my labor.

You have changed from a land of plenty to one that like some ancient vampire continues to drain the life from the very ones who have made you great in the first place.

So, California, I have mixed feelings for you.

Though I have much to be thankful for in having lived here so very long, I also have much that I will not miss.

Traffic… smog… crowds… ridiculous taxes… Socialists… Leaders that aspire to be dictators… Santa Ana winds… earthquakes… and expensive gasoline!

But, dear California, I will probably miss a lot more than I won’t…

I will miss your mild weather, your amazing sunrises and sunsets, your beaches and the waves that I so enjoyed riding, your mountains that were so near I could be in the ocean in the morning and the mountains in the afternoon, your incredible diversity and the cultures that I wouldn’t have known if you hadn’t introduced us, your love of the arts that assured that I’d come to love writing and photography, your overabundance of attractions that I could get to by car in a matter of minutes.

But above all California, you were the cradle that held much of my family. You are a place that houses so very many people that I care about.

As I leave this great state, I leave behind many that I love and care about.

But this is not goodbye forever, this is just a heartfelt “see you later!”

So, Dear California, I leave a piece of my heart here. I have roots planted deep that will not easily be transplanted elsewhere.

I will look back with fondness and I will certainly shed some tears as I start my journey to the new adventure that is Texas.

As the years flow by and the new adventure becomes the new normal.

As new friends and new experiences come, I pray that the lessons learned from days gone by in my fading memories of California, I will be filled with thankfulness for the times spent in the warm sunshine of the golden state.

See you again someday California…

This Hope is Not Dead!

Erosion.

Wind. Rain. Heat. Cold.

The forces that beat against this frail structure…

My soul…

Yes, I feel them.

And yes, sometimes, I falter and stumble.

But I do not walk in these storms alone.

For you oh Lord have promised to be there in life’s storms with me.

Never to leave nor to forsake.

Even to carry me when I’m too weak to carry on.

I admit it… sometimes these mountains before me make me tremble.

Sometimes I am overcome with my fears…

But, fear is a natural response and I am not alone in these battles.

And my Savior whispers into my ear…

“I will go before you and defeat your enemies!”

And He whispers again… “Do it afraid!”

So, I push into these fears and I choose to act.

Afraid? Yes.

But moving forward anyway.

I want that to be my story… “He did it anyway.”

And so I tell you…

I don’t confess to understand the why’s of my life every time.

I sometimes know the how’s for sure.

Without the risk of failure, how could winning ever be as sweet as it is?

To never fail is to never try and that is not the stock I am born from.

I pray that it’s not the stock you’re born from.

So, this hope of mine is not dead, though sometimes it may be frail and weak.

The anchor I cling to is not weak, nor does it ever fail to sustain me.

And so I choose this day and each new one yet to be, to live in hope and in the fearless shadow of the Lion of Judah!

Seize the day!

Mike <><

Your Unique Fingerprint

The light rushes in.

It fills our eyes.

We’re greeted with unfamiliar noises.

Including our own cries.

On the day of our birth, we enter this World with nothing.

No clothing. No toys. No pets. No jewelry.

Just us.

And, we bear the fingerprint of our Maker.

We reflect the image of the one and only God.

Somewhere along the path of life, we fall into forgetfulness.

Our mind and soul sometimes feel the ache though. We sense something is missing. We catch glimpses of this hole in the middle of our being.

Then begins the quest. The quest of our lifetimes. And, a great many of us struggle in that quest, never quite coming to grips with an answer.

Some of us are fortunate and are pointed in the direction of the answer to filling the hole in our souls. We encounter someone else who having found the solution to filling the hole, have a sense of mercy and a desire to pass on what they have found to us.

A commission of sorts… to plant seeds and guide lost souls…

The great commission… the mission given to us by our Savior.

So…, don’t keep it a secret… go share what you have been given freely.

Pass on what you have learned about The Way, The Truth and The Life…

His name is Jesus…

Thoughts with the Courage to Take Flight

Courage and bravery

Faith and hope

These aren’t easily won

In sacrifice are they born

Decisions and choice

Clarity and focus

Some ingredients for victory

The foundation for finishing

Standing here on the brink

The past haunting my heels

The future requiring a leap

Indecision weighs on heavy heart

Comes down to one thing:

Fear

Humankind’s nemesis

It leaves us shaking

Causes us to hide

It dares us to stand

And it boils down

Coalesces into a choice

Will you walk the easy way?

Will you embrace regret?

Light and dark

Confidence or Confusion

Winning or Losing

The key has been presented

We hold it here in our hands

You’ve been gifted

We’ve all been blessed

We’ve all been cursed

With free will’s heavy burden

So we stand here

On the cliffs

Overlooking the foggy shores

Our futures clouded and unknown

Fear snapping at our heels

Doubt gnawing at our hearts

Prayers whisper up to heaven

Quiet voice speaks of hope

And this hope won’t disappoint

For it overcame more than fear

Destroyed far more than doubt

Laughing, stole away death’s very sting

So we can have this confidence

Fear is such as very small thing

When in the presence of God

And we can lift our chins

We can run towards our fears

With God’s hand at our backs

Our thoughts given wings

And the courage to take flight

So we leap into the wind

Wings buoyed by His victory

We sail up and over our fears

Leaving them lying behind

Laying there in the shadows

Of an old rugged cross

Your past self formed by lies

Its burden no longer weighs

Lightened from former façade

You rise from ashes to glory

Shining like a new risen star

His spirit carries you aloft

And from this new vantage point

The past loses its iron grip

Our fears fade into the distance

So, like eagles we rise into a new dawn

Enemy Vanquished

Light leaks into these eyes

A new day dawned

Open the blinds to see

A breeze ruffling the trees

In the near distance

Storm clouds moving

Ever closer in darkening sky

My heart flutters in this chest

In fear, some lock the door

Some grow tired

And bury their heads

And accept the victim’s path

Some, despite their fear

Put on the whole armor

Slip their hand in His

Step from their door

And face into the wind

As for this soul

Though wounded and scarred

No longer do I close these eyes

My desire to thrive overrules

Though the enemy is real

And his weapons do sting

I will no longer be intimidated

His lies can’t wash away the truth

His fate already written

On his epitaph stone

His lies unable to wash away

My name from the Lamb’s book

Seeks to bind our dreams

And wound us into inaction

Turn our eyes from Savior’s

Rendering us ineffective

But we are not helpless

Don’t have to be alone

For we can be anchored

On the Rock of Christ

On this solid ground

A life formerly adrift

Can now be grounded

And stand against any storm

So this too I choose

To bury this anchor deep

Heart protected and grounded

Venturing forth in the new day

Unafraid I step out my door

The storm still rages

But my frown turns to a smile

Because I don’t travel alone

And the enemy is powerless

Our Voices Carry On

Here under billowing clouds

Sad thoughts an undertow

A new emptiness at my side

Eyes like pending thunderstorms

Walking these roads

Made easier by companions

Goodbyes come too often

Loneliness oh so frequent

Created for relationships

Islands we are not

Not created for singularity

Our gravity drawing others

Orbiting each other we share

In companionship’s strength

And warmed by friendship

In love’s bond made stronger

Weaving through our souls

The roots of friendship

Silently entwining two lives

And blossoming into love

Yoked together for a little

Combining strength and focus

Our entwined lives reach higher

Drawing us to the Son

But this life is tenuous

And ever so fragile

Our every breath and day

Written by our Creator

Our final chapter known

Only by Heavenly author

That day and hour calls

Shadowed in mystery

Our final breath comes

And for most a surprise

So we grasp for a chance

For one last embrace

Our parting leaving scars

Marks of bittersweet pain

We are parted but not separate

Living again in memories recalled

Your voices speaking on

In our hearts resurrected

The roots you placed there

Still flowering and bearing fruit

Parted from us and yet

Never really gone

When we honor you

And the seeds you planted

So faint not from friendship

Give yourself away always

Rooted deep in those you love

Flowering again in each new season

Long after you are gone      

Slumbering Heroes

Each day dawns

Rich with hope

Ripe with risk

And burdened with choice

Not for the faint of heart

This life given to us

And rest is not granted

Until the journey’s end

So lift your eyes

Face into the wind

Step onto the road

Leave the past at your back

No battles are won

And no victories given

When fear rules hearts

And our eyes are closed

No accidental heroes

No cowards find victory

It takes a decision

It takes a renewed mind

And we cannot obtain this

Never grasp it on our own

True strength found on bent knees

Heads bowed over hallowed ground

We, the adopted sons and daughters

Grafted into a new family tree

Draw from roots planted deep

A strength that leads to victory

So when the coming battle

Reaches our very own shores

We will not stumble or falter

For His light shows us the way

We have only to open our hearts

Listen even now with spiritual ears

Take a hammer in hand

Nail our fears to the cross

Be thankful for a new dawn

Another day of possibilities

Strap on the holy armor

And rush forward into the fray

For there are heroes

Living among us

Living within us

Just have to hear the call

So listen carefully

Today let’s pay attention

For the call is going out

And you are looked for

When today’s sun is setting

I pray your heart is content

Having fought the good fight

Your hero awakened from slumber

There is Still Beauty

Saw it again today

Despite the darkness

In the distant views

Away from current tragedies

Looked out beyond

From immediate worries

And gazed quiet

Saw Your wonders

Proof of Your love

Beauty exists regardless

While we destroy each other

Creation’s song sings on

Your breath gives life

Alters dust into being

Sings over our fragile souls

And gives hope to the weary

Beyond the hatred

Distant from these killing fields

I can see a pastel sunrise

Feel sun’s warmth on my face

In the bird’s song at sunset

Hear the joy of the dependent

Are we any less than this?

His Word declares our value

And so I lay this head down

When day meets the ink of night

And my sleepless eyes look upward

And realize you own this too

For you did not let the darkness reign

Instead, you sprinkled it in diamonds

Each sparkle a distant light

And yet light just the same

And so are we

In the darkness of this age

Millions of diamonds

Reflecting the light of the Son

And this then is our calling

By Creator’s great commission

That we not remain so fearful

But shine to the lost instead

So when you find yourself weary

And lonesome just like me

Look just a little beyond yourself

And there in creations’ glow

Know that we’ve been set free

The One Who Has Gone Before

We enter this world

Without a clue

Eyes open on first day’s light

And we cry out on cue

Creator forms us

Hidden from view

Endows us with gifts

Grants our unique life so new

Some just live blind

Directionless and lonely

And some let their fears

Drown hope and victory

Some wait for a rescuer

A hero brave and strong

Someone to pick them up

And carry them to the finish

Some realize a poignant truth

That despite heroes being real

We don’t look in the right place

To find a hero dwells inside

Dormant and yet to wake

Maybe your hero awaits

Listening for just one command

A call to action from your own soul

Leave your fears behind you

Take courage from your savior

Raise your eyes to heaven

And gaze on an eternal son rise

Let nothing get in your way

No haters, critics, nor excuses

Raise the anchor and unfurl the sails

The horizon before and wind at your back

So hear this message now

Don’t ignore this traveler’s tale

Armor up for the coming battle

And for new adventures set sail

For the one in whom you’ve put your faith

He’s walked this road before

Never failed you nor has He faltered

And in Him your victory is sure

Earthly Stage

Our lives like a play

Lived on an Earthly stage

Act like we have no say

With our script written in stone

Performing this mortal play

As if the end was written

Stumbling through each day

Like helpless marionettes

But, the writer smiles on us

For our shortsighted unknowing

And our living so unaware

Because this script lives and breathes

A living document is our play

A story etched from invisible ink

A novel which is both finished

And yet remains incomplete

For though the end’s a mystery

To those who live this play

The conclusion is known

By the one who truly sees

And so we stumble and stagger

Drunken in our own ignorance

Lost and looking for answers

We cry out from bended knees

And if we grow silent and still

Humbling these trembling hearts

We may yet hear His quiet call

A whisper to cast all fear aside

Courage is just a prayer away

A treasure with no value

Until these hands through faith

Lift the sword and cut these bonds

Only then are our eyes set free

To see beyond these chains

Courage wielding the key

That unlocks faith and freedom

So it goes from then till now

On and on this play repeats

From one generation to another

Endless lives shuffle across this stage

Insanity’s outcomes only broken

By scarred hands that intercede

And so He tore that curtain down

That stood for the longest time

Selfless sacrifice ended our separation

That His father we might know

Tore up our scripts and made a way

So that in free will we now dwell

And again as though on a stage

Our lives are lived for all to see

But we no longer have to languish there 

Because in Christ we've been set free

Shatter the Mirror

So I live in this poverty

Hard days and sleepless nights

Late to bed and early to rise

And still I face into the wind

You may judge me true

But please wait your turn

And get in the line

For you’re not the first

And you may be surprised

Or maybe again you won’t

For at the front of the line

Look carefully and take note

For the first one there

The one with the biggest stone

The one most ready to fight

Well, he wears my face

A strange thing is this judgment

This unwanted pity

This failure to understand

Introspection a dying art

You see I’ve observed this truth

And it’s really no mystery

We are often our own worst critic

No enemy so venomous as the self

So I challenge us both

I throw down this gauntlet

Scream out my barbarian cry

And then I whisper so very quiet

Let’s break these mirrors

For if I have learned even one thing

Gleaned one truth from this journey

Then it would be this one nugget

This one goad to move us forward

To break these ghostly chains

Is the key to a better future

And, you will not regret it

Won’t waste another tear

Gaze instead into your Saviors eyes

Look into them and see

See the love unearned

And, yet freely given

Demonstrated in nail scars

We are bought at dearest price

Rescued from darkness

And carried into a new day

A better future now assured

Our reflection not misplaced again

Not found in enemies lies

Not found in mirrors’ deception

But instead in dear Father’s gaze

In Whom I Have Believed’

Though I write now

From this place of doubt

Though my pen speaks

From a troubled heart

Do not doubt

And do not fear

That I know

In whom I have believed’

For time never ceases to flow

And life just doesn't slow down

For not even one of us

So, I hold no fantasies close

But I do hold some things

Close

The ones I love

And the Word

Who loved me first

These I hold dear

I cast aside some things

Some weighty painful things

For its these that hold me back

These sorrows that pull me down

For to place my faith

In the frail hands

Of those who like me

Are born of dust

To do this thing

Is to reach for something less

Less than truth

Less than hope

For my hope cannot be found

In finite things

In these fading flowers

In things that fall to dust

Instead, I anchor my hope

On the Eternal Rock

Tested by the passage of time

And unmoved by human thought

For you have turned

Your ear to my cries

And you have listened

When others shut me out

You have walked with me

Whether in darkest valley

Or over peaks of exquisite joy

And you've never turned aside

So in this moment

I must confess

And in this confession

I must speak clearly

When I am with you

I can let go my fear

With your hand at my back

I can bravely enter life’s battles

So in those moments

When trials weight

Lays heavy on my shoulders

Drags my heart into the depths

It’s at these times

Your spirit confesses for me

Before the eternal throne

And I am defended

And I am reminded then

That though I am weak

In this frame of water and bone

I’m made strong by your indwelling

So I stand here now

On this valley floor

And though I do not look back

I can still recall the altars

The stones laid out

In loving care placed

To remember all you've done

And to recall your faithfulness

So my spirit looks forward

With thankful altars behind

To a future rising now

Over misty heights yet unseen

The spark of hope kindling

And fanning into flame

My heart warms with peace

And my mind dares new dreams

And like so many of you

I set one foot before the other

Take in this gift of breath

And start on a new path

Each step powered with hope

Strengthened by eternal promises

My eyes are fixed upon our Savior

The one in whom I still believe